It's a Bird! It's a FRITZ?
by SonarTheHedgehog
Summary: That's right. It turns out Prussia's little yellow Gilbird is actually his favorite boss reincarnated. This can't be anything but awesome, right? Although it's awfully hard to scold your idiot nation when the only thing you can say is "Piyo "
1. Chapter 1

_ Mein Prussia, if only you knew the truth, _Gilbird thought. He sat on top of his owner's head, who was currently drunk out of his mind with plenty of other nations, and loudly reminiscing about the old days with his favorite boss.

Little did Gilbert know that said boss was sitting right on top of his head, and had been with him for years. Yet, in his form of a small chick, Frederick could not speak any human languages, and therefore couldn't tell Gilbert the truth. Not that he hadn't tried to communicate with his beloved nation.

There was one time where he had tried spelling out "I am Fritz," on Gilbert's laptop, but it was a tad more difficult when one wasn't human any longer. Gilbert had simply laughed and called him a cleverly awesome bird. And while Frederick was pleased to hear that, it hadn't been the result he had truly been wanting. He was doing okay with the concept of being a bird, when in his past life he had been a king (and a damn good one, too!) But at least he still had Gilbert.

And OF COURSE his albino nation wouldn't name a precious pet bird after his favorite boss…he named it after himself, even though the bird WAS his boss. Gilbird- sorry, FRITZ sighed. Gilbert was making a fool of himself again, like usual. At least the next day would be normal, right?

NOPE.


	2. Chapter 2

_These metal flying contraptions are absolutely fascinating! Oh mein Gott we just flew through a cloud! WAAAAHHH!_

"Peep peep peep peep!" Fritz was looking out the round window of the airplane, perched on the sill. Gilbert chuckled a little.

"You sure do get excited by plane rides, huh Gilbird? Daddy's little guy, kesesesese!"

_Gilbert, my name is FREDERICK, not GILBIRD. At this point if you called me Fritz I would be more than happy! And how did you get me onto this plane legally?_ _I know you're a micro-nation with a lot of friends, but still!_

"Peep peep peep!"

"Ja, I'll make sure the stewardess brings extra peanuts for you, okay? And I'll get you a proper feeding when we get back home to New Berlin in a few hours," Gilbert said as he stroked Fritz with two fingers, smoothing the chick's feathers.

_Glbert, are you even listening to me-did you say peanuts?_

-Piyo-

Gilbert sat on a park bench, waiting for Francis and Antonio to show up so they could go drinking. Fritz sat on Gilbert's head, observing the park around them. He spied another bird out of the corner of his eye, not sitting very far away from their bench.

_Did that pigeon just wink at me?_

"Peep!"

"Just a few more minutes, little buddy! I promise!"

_Gilbert, I think that pigeon is trying to hit on me. It's coming closer to the bench. We're not even the same species. I-I think it's trying to do some sort of mating dance now. Gilbert! Kings don't get hit on by pigeons!_

"Peep peep peep!"

"Hey, Gilbird, does that pigeon seem to be acting weird to you too?"

_Gilbert Beilschmidt, KICK THE GODDAMN PIGEON._

"PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP!"

"Oh, look, there's Francis now. Let's go, Birdie!"

_I still wished you had kicked the pigeon, as immature as it would be._

-Piyo-

Gilbert lay dead asleep in his bed, worn out from the beer chugging from the night before. The night had been even better when the Bad Friends Trio had stumbled upon Alfred and Arthur on a date; the best part was jumping out of the bushes and scaring them right when they were about to kiss. The Trio had been THIS close to getting away with kidnapping Arthur right after they pushed Alfred into a fountain…except that said American was super overprotective when it came to his boyfriend, and chased after them like freaking Speedy Gonzales on steroids. Fritz had safely watched these proceedings from a tree branch, whilst also avoiding any horny pigeons nearby.

The little yellow bird rather liked the part when Arthur had slapped Francis. If Antonio hadn't grabbed him, Arthur would have totally won…

"Gilbird! Attack Alfred!"

"Peep peep!"

_ Gilbert, this is real life, not Angry Birds. And for the love of God, couldn't you have let those two have a nice peaceful date? It's just like you to be so inappropriate… Personally, I hope Alfred at least gives you a decent smack down. That seems more likely to happen to Francis though… Why are you friends with such a perverted man? Do I even want to know what you three did to Austria at the end of the War of Austrian Succession?_

"H-Hey Alfred! We were just going to borrow him for a little bit, we promise! Only a little while, kesesesesese! Hey now, what're you doing with that tree branch?"

_Gilbert, if you hadn't gotten so inebriated at that bar we had just been at, your judgment wouldn't have led you to such date-crashing antics._

-Ten Hours of Fail Later-

Gilbert was laying in bed dead asleep with a bump on his head, his little bird peeping softly as he nestled further into the albino's blankets.


	3. Chapter 3

Fritz stared out one of the front windows as Gilbert went around the kitchen, making a dessert known as Black Forest cake, the most delicious chocolaty thing your face would ever consume. The "prissy aristocrat" was coming over, along with some other Germanic nations, so Gilbert was getting everything ready. Outside the window, a certain bird sat staring at Fritz. Yes…

THE PIGEON.

_So we meet again…FOR THE LAST TIME. You and your mating dance can't defeat me, Frederick the Great, King of Prussia!_

Fritz puffed up his feathers in an attempt to look bigger on the other side of the glass. Gilbert observed this from the kitchen, an amused look on his face.

"Hey, Gilbird, did you want outside to play with the other birds?" Gilbert opened the window, setting Fritz down gently, who began peeping in an excited manner. Gilbert chuckled, then continued on with the chores. Fritz gave the pigeon a death glare worthy of Chuck Norris. It came closer to him, little by little. Fritz waited…and then he attacked.

-Piyo-

Gilbert finished icing the cake, and put it on the counter. He washed the dishes then, and was just finishing putting them away when he heard a noise from outside. More noises followed, and he was begin to wonder if Alfred had somehow created a live action Angry Birds game, and was playing with it in Gilbert's yard. He went over to the window, opened it and stuck his head out. Gilbert gasped a little.

There was a half-dead zombie pigeon dragging itself across his yard into the street, and a rather fierce Gilbird sitting in a tree nearby. Fritz flew over to Gilbert, and landed on his head with a soft chirp. Gilbert shrugged and closed the window, heading inside to wait for his guests.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Gilbert Beilschmidt, why must you crash other people's dates? AGAIN._

This time, Arthur and Alfred had just been trying to get ice cream when the Bad Friends Trio jumped them again, attempting to steal Arthur. And while they had successfully captured Arthur, Alfred had successfully captured Gil- I mean Fritz. Yeah, Fritz.

_Gilbert, if you don't trade me for that Englishman RIGHT NOW, I am going to…uh…attack you while you sleep! And chirp really loudly so you won't be able to fall back asleep!_

Except then Alfred pulled out a gun, and things got kind of bloody, but Fritz got away in time, so we can continue on with this headcanon story! YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

-Ahem-

Francis' bird Pierre scooted a little closer to Fritz. Gilbert and Francis and Antonio were hanging out, and stupid Francis just HAD to bring his stupid pervy bird along, so Gil-Fritz wouldn't get bored. Quite frankly, Fritz was not amused by this idea. Nope.

Pierre cooed at him; Fritz just scooted further away.

_Mein Gott, you're worse than the pigeon!_

"Francis, uh, I think your bird is trying to ah…attempt rape."

"Pierre is just expressing his amour!"

"GTFO."


	5. Chapter 5

"Dude, Gilbert!" Alfred yelled. Another world conference had just finished, during which Alfred had played with his new iphone. "Let me see Gilbird for a second!"

"Ja, why?" Gilbert said, turning to face the American. Alfred didn't answer, and simply scooped the chick off of Gilbert's head.

_Hey! That is uncalled for, and very undignified! Put me down! I am King Frederick the Second!_

"Angry Birds!" Alfred yelled, throwing the yellow chick straight at Ivan, who he was pretending to be a green pig.

_AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Help me! GILBERT?_

It took Ludwig a while to stop Gilbert from nearly maiming the American, and helped the sobbing Prussian nurse his Gil-FRITZ back to health.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Okay, you American bastard. As undignified as this may be, I refuse to look like a fool because of your overly retarded antics! Now, I'll show you just how angry some birds can be!_

Alfred was walking along, an extra large hamburger in one hand, and a 32 oz soda in the other, whistling as he went. He didn't notice the fluffy yellow ball glaring at him from the treetops, planning a method of attack.

_It's payback time…FATTY._

Gil-Fritz swooped out of the trees, fluttering down to rest gently on top of Alfred's head, the American not even noticing he was there. It was a technique Gil-Fritz had perfected with Gilbert, often causing the Prussian some confusion.

On top of Alfred's head, Gil-Fritz carefully scooted himself towards the front of the top, and then waited patiently for a moment. Suddenly, he bit down hard on the hair that stuck up on Alfred's head, otherwise known as Nantucket.

Alfred accidentally bit his tongue when biting into his burger, and also managed to drop his soda, spilling it all over his shoes.

"OW!"

Gil-Fritz then took this opportunity to steal Alfred's glasses, and flew away with them, taking them to Gilbert.

"And thus, Gilbird, we have successfully stolen the vital regions of Texas," Gilbert said, grinning. He placed the glasses on his face, then pulled out a tiny pair from his pocket, putting them on Gilbird.

"Heh…you look like a little hipster."


	7. Chapter 7

_ Gilbert, what is this My Little Pony nonsense? I do not feel the 20% more awesome that you do just by viewing this "Rainbow Dash" character. And isn't this a children's show?_

-Later-

_ Gilbert, stop answering Dora, she can't really hear you. And is that the same red mountain from the last fifteen episodes?_

-Even Later-

_ DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT A DRAGONBALL IS?_

-Even More Later-

_ Why does the Team Rocket introduction have to take two minutes of every episode? Can't we just skip this, we've seen this a thousand times!_

-Armageddon Later-

_ Instead of "Go, go, Power Rangers!" It should be "NO NO Power Rangers!" Gilbert, if I have to hear this song again, I'm going to have your brother castrate you._


	8. Chapter 8

_Feed me._

"Piyo! Peep peep!"

_Gilbert, I'm hungry. Feed me!_

"Peep peep peep!"

_GILBERT. I am your king, and I wish to be fed immediately. As in RIGHT NOW._

"Peep peep peep peep peep peep!"

"Gilbird, to sleep…"

_It's already noon! Get up! I refuse to leave you alone until I am properly refreshed! Now get up! Up, I say!_

"PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP!"

"Gott, alright! I'm getting up!"


End file.
